Hearts of Adoption: April 2017

New siblings March 2015

The first picture of your child is magical. The ultrasound picture seems to "look like you!". In adoption you gaze at the photo until you can could swear they are talking back. You fall in love, and dream of the day you'll meet and hold them in your arms. Then the mounds of paperwork build and overload you for months, as you walk closer to bringing your child home. The day comes and your eyes meet, or maybe not because they are too scared. But you see them, in person, and touch them and it all becomes real. The good, the bad and the ugly. This child is real. Yours forever! The smart, the hurt, and pain. THE POTENTIAL. All at your fingertips to be unpeeled like an onion still lying deep in the garden soil. You scoop them up and head for home to start a new life, but the old is never forgotten. It is part of their soul. The formation of their brain, their character lays in the memories a half a world away. We cannot simply ignore this without consequence.

Formally signing the last papers to make Joseph our son in China.

James is overly excitedly about this!

Few days later, some of us are still smiling mostly, well honestly, half of the time (march 2015 in Nanning, China)

Celebrating two years home. Many may think the day we meet our child is the end of the adoption journey, it truly marks just a glimpse of the beginning. The beginning of the true meaning of family. Hard work and will you do what it takes to assimilate this child into your family. Will you change, assess, reevaluate your wants, wishes and fears to make it right for them? Over and again we are tested, DAY in and DAY out. As a mother of seven, the comment I hear most is, "I don't know how you do it"... and I don't. WE DO..., my family, my church community, our good friends and the extended adoption community, all bound together to raise our children. And the ultimate underlying premise that allows each day to be manageable is our FAITH and HOPE in GOD.
Ephesians 3:14-21

14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family[a]in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

This month we celebrated a birthday for Jessica and two years home for James and Joseph. The growth and celebration in their lives is unbelievable at times. But if we're going to honest, our family is not the picture perfect, groomed with ironed clothes, bows in hair, walking hand and hand into church. It's controlled chaos at best. We have still yet to have our formal family picture taken with all us together because twice now, someone has been vomiting during the scheduled photo session! In our house, success is measured in small ways, if the majority have their hair combed, a lunch packed, clothes on the right way, socks on, and were not in the middle of a major melt down when leaving the house. Oh and shoes! Bonus for shoes and appropriate coats. We live in Wisconsin! Most days are a struggle. Harder than we could have ever imagined. We are not striving for any sort of perfection... we are striving to serve our God in what he has called us to do.

My soul wishes for them to be free of the grasp of the pain. The memory and mind is complicated. We will work forever till they know their basic needs will always be met and they are ALL LOVED unconditionally....

When you are sick and throwing up. It's okay to skip a meal. There will be food when you feel better. But you still eat anyway....just in case...... And then throw up again.

When you're hot and sweaty, unaware you still have your coat on inside the building. You are cold and your hands are freezing..... you don't have to ask to put on your hat and mittens on. You hold the power to make yourself comfortable.

When you are sad, scared, upset, it's okay to say how you feel. There is nothing you can do for us to love you any less. Share...you are safe and LOVED...not matter what.

When something breaks or there's an argument....it's okay to tell the truth...you are NOT going to get abused!

These things seem like basic life skills. But when you did not learn the ability to regulate your body or express your opinion, you ignore your own signals, live in a state of constant anxiety, and are not able to advocate for yourself. The default coping mechanism is to lie, steal and cheat. It's survival or the fittest. And will continue to love, work, love and work on these things till the brain is reprogrammed. Tiring and endless pattern....until they understand.

So proud of these three singing about Jesus at their school in the talent show with the AWANA group!

Justin and Jackson had a busy and successful basketball season. Ryan helped coach both boys teams. Now onto racing....

And this is how I entertain a two year old at the basketball games... besides climbing all over the bleachers.... he roams the school hallways.....looking for treasures.

If only I could climb in there.....He WILL figure out a way...He IS THAT KID!

Jackson had an out of town tournament, so we enjoyed our first overnight away since Wen Xiang has been home. He is a fish and would jump in the pool, if you did not have a hand on him! Thank goodness for life jackets.

Wen Xiang's health update: ever since he came home the poor guy was breathing loudly and seemed sick the majority of the time. It progressed to the point any activity, like climbing the stairs, resulted in him coughing to the point of vomiting. He was diagnosed with exercise induced asthma. Since beginning daily treatment, he feels much better, is able to move around, climb stairs, and his lungs inflammation must have gone down because the boy can now scream and cry well!
Unfortunately, his body is still stressed and the cath procedure done is December did not buy us as much time as we hoped. He is still very winded and his oxygen is running in the low 70's at night. With much discussion, his cardiac team feels it is best to move forward now with surgery. His open heart surgery is set for May 10. He will be having his third and final stage of palliative open heart surgery, which is called the Fontan. So please don't ask when this surgery is over...is he all better? Read below.......

Two of our children have hearts that will never be "fixed". These heart surgeries buy them more time and then at some point these hearts will be replaced. How that will happen, praying for miracles in modern medicine in growing cardiac tissues, pumps, artificial valves. In the meantime, our family needs to have some serious conversations. Part of me has been putting this off because I do not have the right words to explain this to ALL our children and the other half of me wants to believe if I don't speak about it, maybe it won't be true. But the time has come.....God has brought us thus far...... We have begun to explain to our children in various degrees and age appropriateness what it means to have siblings born with broken hearts.

I also want them to know what it means to love unconditionally, selflessly, and without anything holding them back, because tomorrow may never come. I want them to rely on the true love of a savior to get through the hard times, reflect that in their lives, and know this earth is not our final home. The life we have built for our family will not be easy, and maybe even considered foolish by some. As rough as it maybe, they sit front row on seeing God work some of his most incredible miracles here on earth.