Do you remember that time on the playground when the kids were dividing up into teams and you just waited and waited to be chosen. Maybe you were never left to the end. Maybe you were one of the lucky to be picked first or second. Maybe you were even the team captain and chose the kids on your team. Did you pick the strongest, the fastest, or did you pick the weakest or the one who picked their nose out in right field instead of playing along? Have you ever wanted something so desperately, you thought of nothing else? What if that thing you wanted so bad was a family, even if the concept of family was a foreign idea?
As families all gather in GZ, we have met many and come to learn their stories. Single women adopting their first, young married couples adopting a sweet wee one, families adopting their token girl or boy, to those who have adopted multiple times adding to their mega families. But what I am most intrigued by is how and why the chose this particular child.
In the Chinese adoption there are basically two ways to find your child. One is to complete 90% of your paperwork and become logged into the China system and then have a referral sent to you of a child matching the medical parameters you are open to. These children typically are categorized as minor or correctable needs. The second way is to find your child is to look through agency lists and the shared lists of waiting children. Submit a letter of intent and proceed with the adoption. At any given time there are 1000's of children on this list who have been waiting months, evens years, yes years to be chosen. Typically these children are categorized as moderate/severe needs.
So today at the pool when an adoptive mother was surprised that my sweet adorable baby waited waited to be chosen for six months...I sheepishly said yes... And his sister waited......And his brother waited even more and his older brother waited almost three years. And why? Because they were categorized on the moderate/severe list needs. And no one Choose them when that referral came to them.........families said no thank you, oh not for us! Oh we'll wait for something that fits our family lifestyle better. Some children will then wait a lifetime to be chosen,...well in China, that is till age 14. And sadly never be CHOSEN.......This trip their are two children being adopted right before they turn 14. Justin has hung out at the pool with the one young man. Amazing young man and what a shame to think this life may have not been chosen to be part of a family, As we rejoice for him, we cannot stop here as there are 1000s of children awaiting to be chosen everyday. Some have waited way too long. God call us to care for the orphans of the world, and it's not enough to talk about it, we must show love in our actions.
An Orphan's Wish
Chosen & dearly Loved......
Not only by God.....
But also by My Family.
WISCONSIN STATE JOURNAL ARTICLE--Christmas 2015
Click to read the article
Monday, September 26, 2016
Thursday, September 22, 2016
A week in Nanning
I'm going to keep this short as I am not feeling well today. Pray whatever has taken over my body leaves quickly as it has zapped my energy and Wen Xiang has a lot! So thankful for Justin who has been an awesome help!
This week has been an emotional roller coaster. First being away from home just leaves me feeling vulnerable and sad after this many days. As I reflect, at the beginning of the week there were four of us families eagerly waiting to meet our little ones here in Nanning. Three girls, one boy. Now it's Thursday night and only three orphans are snuggled in bed with their new mamas and one orphan still sleeps alone in her crib at the orphanage. I will not go into details of why or what happened but to say it was a choice I do not understand. My heart aches as I think about the little one only 11 months old, now abandoned twice. Labeled as a disruption through no fault of her own. I think about Labels, diagnosises and prognosis and how different our family would look if we would have allowed our emotions or doctors decide our future. Who do we want to serve? Man or God? The Dr who wrote a letter four years said my daughter's life was not valuable or worthy enough to be adopted because of her diagnosis and prognosis. Well...... I disagree. And someday the other three children adopted after her will too....and every child and family that comes in contact with her knows her life is worthy! So we have a prayer mission to pray for this family who went home without their daughter for reasons we don't understand. And an advocacy mission to find this girl a family.
Wen Xiang is all boy! Wild, climbing, running, hold onto him, he's going to break something boy! And yes I am worn out....because it's impossible to get him under control without being able to speak with him. He gets more wound up when he's tired too! He loves to be held and cuddled. The only time he cries is when he is going to bed. He misses his foster parents dearly because he's used to sleeping with them. 😢 He cuddles with me instead and calms down within a minutes. He is not speaking any words at this point, which I love how God placed a child's speech pathologist behind us on the airplane from Chicago to GZ. He already knew we would be needing that assessment! She said he should be evaluated in his native language, not wait. I think till is where the other two boys fell through the cracks, waiting for them to acquire the Engligh language.
Onto the miracle of the week, beside our Wen Xiang. Yes two in one week. From the moment arriving here, I have been asking our guide to work with the orphanage to get us a visit. I should back up a bit. Joseph is from this province and we wanted to see his foster parents, but previously requests to see them were denied by government. Joseph had a special relationship with his foster grandparents who he was with for two years. Long story short, our guide worked out a meeting with them and we travelled to Guilin on Wednesday and had lunch with them! It was so wonderful. I recognized them immediately and we exchanged gifts and talked about Joseph. They told me about him when he was younger. THey truly loved him. Then the best part of all we called Joseph via Skype. Yes it was 2 am for him but his face lit up once he realized who it was. His foster parents chatted away while the guide translated. Gods hand was truly in this.
If this was not enough....these foster parents were originally asked to be Wen xiangs foster parents but they declined because they were too broken heartened after Joseph leaving. They are friends with Wen Xiangs parents. And Wen Xiangs knew them! So I suspect there will be future visits to China for a little boy whose wish is to see his foster parents again!
This week has been an emotional roller coaster. First being away from home just leaves me feeling vulnerable and sad after this many days. As I reflect, at the beginning of the week there were four of us families eagerly waiting to meet our little ones here in Nanning. Three girls, one boy. Now it's Thursday night and only three orphans are snuggled in bed with their new mamas and one orphan still sleeps alone in her crib at the orphanage. I will not go into details of why or what happened but to say it was a choice I do not understand. My heart aches as I think about the little one only 11 months old, now abandoned twice. Labeled as a disruption through no fault of her own. I think about Labels, diagnosises and prognosis and how different our family would look if we would have allowed our emotions or doctors decide our future. Who do we want to serve? Man or God? The Dr who wrote a letter four years said my daughter's life was not valuable or worthy enough to be adopted because of her diagnosis and prognosis. Well...... I disagree. And someday the other three children adopted after her will too....and every child and family that comes in contact with her knows her life is worthy! So we have a prayer mission to pray for this family who went home without their daughter for reasons we don't understand. And an advocacy mission to find this girl a family.
Wen Xiang is all boy! Wild, climbing, running, hold onto him, he's going to break something boy! And yes I am worn out....because it's impossible to get him under control without being able to speak with him. He gets more wound up when he's tired too! He loves to be held and cuddled. The only time he cries is when he is going to bed. He misses his foster parents dearly because he's used to sleeping with them. 😢 He cuddles with me instead and calms down within a minutes. He is not speaking any words at this point, which I love how God placed a child's speech pathologist behind us on the airplane from Chicago to GZ. He already knew we would be needing that assessment! She said he should be evaluated in his native language, not wait. I think till is where the other two boys fell through the cracks, waiting for them to acquire the Engligh language.
Onto the miracle of the week, beside our Wen Xiang. Yes two in one week. From the moment arriving here, I have been asking our guide to work with the orphanage to get us a visit. I should back up a bit. Joseph is from this province and we wanted to see his foster parents, but previously requests to see them were denied by government. Joseph had a special relationship with his foster grandparents who he was with for two years. Long story short, our guide worked out a meeting with them and we travelled to Guilin on Wednesday and had lunch with them! It was so wonderful. I recognized them immediately and we exchanged gifts and talked about Joseph. They told me about him when he was younger. THey truly loved him. Then the best part of all we called Joseph via Skype. Yes it was 2 am for him but his face lit up once he realized who it was. His foster parents chatted away while the guide translated. Gods hand was truly in this.
If this was not enough....these foster parents were originally asked to be Wen xiangs foster parents but they declined because they were too broken heartened after Joseph leaving. They are friends with Wen Xiangs parents. And Wen Xiangs knew them! So I suspect there will be future visits to China for a little boy whose wish is to see his foster parents again!
Monday, September 19, 2016
Gotcha Day September 19, 2016
The day started out hot.... 80plus and rising to 90 something degrees. So thankful for the mall attached to our hotel and air conditioning. Justin and I enjoyed our breakfast as we tried to kill time before our 230 pick up time. These afternoon pick ups are a lesson in patience. It's like labor, but with nothing to do!
Today was another reminder that with adoption we are never in control. I ask you to pray for another family here with us as they went to their appointment only to be whisked away to the hospital with their little one. Life is so fragile and we can never take for granted a moment we have been given or an opportunity to parent a child.
We were the fourth of the four couples to meet their children today. I actually was okay with this as we took pictures of the others coming out with their stone faced children in their arms. Watching the next few moments, as the children's guarded faces turned to smirks and a few half smiles as daddies pulled out funny moves and mommies cuddled scared ones in their arms are moments of precious redemption playing out in front of my eyes. This is Love forming in real time by Gods own hands. Pure HOPE!
We first met with the civil affairs director, who we met last year, and a representative from the Guilin orphanage. Everyone was excited to hear about Joseph (he is from this province) and see the photo album I brought. Papers were signed and then we met our little guy. Well he's not little! He's solid and well fed! His hands and feet are ready to play some ball! He was very shy at first and clung to his caregiver. We went to a playroom and he eventually went to Justin and climbed up. 😍 He loves to be held and cuddled and we can clearly tell he know love and how to receive it. He cried on and off throughout the next few hours. We went on to dinner, just Burger King, as Justin needed a break from Chinese food, and Wen Xiang liked the cheeseburger and fries too!
He crashed asleep before we could skype the family so the kids and dad saw their sleeping brother and son!
A few awesome things we learned today......
1. His medical report showed he was not vaccinated.....as of late last year he has been getting a few vaccinations! This is such good news as he may be missing his spleen.
2. His medical report showed conflicting surgery dates. I asked for clarification when his Glenn surgery was. Orphanage reported back he had two surgeries. What ... TWO surgeries. TWO open heart surgeries!!!! Why am I so excited? This is proper protocol for single heart kiddos!!!! Praise GOD!!!! Absolutely incredible....
3. Now if you are still with me. Those of you who are close to us know what we have been praying for all summer for Joseph. Our guide today has worked things out and I will travel to Guilin and be meeting with those important people on Wednesday for lunch. An answer to prayers. GOD IS SO AWESOME!
Today was another reminder that with adoption we are never in control. I ask you to pray for another family here with us as they went to their appointment only to be whisked away to the hospital with their little one. Life is so fragile and we can never take for granted a moment we have been given or an opportunity to parent a child.
We were the fourth of the four couples to meet their children today. I actually was okay with this as we took pictures of the others coming out with their stone faced children in their arms. Watching the next few moments, as the children's guarded faces turned to smirks and a few half smiles as daddies pulled out funny moves and mommies cuddled scared ones in their arms are moments of precious redemption playing out in front of my eyes. This is Love forming in real time by Gods own hands. Pure HOPE!
We first met with the civil affairs director, who we met last year, and a representative from the Guilin orphanage. Everyone was excited to hear about Joseph (he is from this province) and see the photo album I brought. Papers were signed and then we met our little guy. Well he's not little! He's solid and well fed! His hands and feet are ready to play some ball! He was very shy at first and clung to his caregiver. We went to a playroom and he eventually went to Justin and climbed up. 😍 He loves to be held and cuddled and we can clearly tell he know love and how to receive it. He cried on and off throughout the next few hours. We went on to dinner, just Burger King, as Justin needed a break from Chinese food, and Wen Xiang liked the cheeseburger and fries too!
He crashed asleep before we could skype the family so the kids and dad saw their sleeping brother and son!
A few awesome things we learned today......
1. His medical report showed he was not vaccinated.....as of late last year he has been getting a few vaccinations! This is such good news as he may be missing his spleen.
2. His medical report showed conflicting surgery dates. I asked for clarification when his Glenn surgery was. Orphanage reported back he had two surgeries. What ... TWO surgeries. TWO open heart surgeries!!!! Why am I so excited? This is proper protocol for single heart kiddos!!!! Praise GOD!!!! Absolutely incredible....
3. Now if you are still with me. Those of you who are close to us know what we have been praying for all summer for Joseph. Our guide today has worked things out and I will travel to Guilin and be meeting with those important people on Wednesday for lunch. An answer to prayers. GOD IS SO AWESOME!
Sunday, September 11, 2016
Pre travel reflections
As the days approach...yes in 7 days I will be holding our youngest son, God willing. At times it's hard to wrap your mind around it at times. The adoptions chats range from mothers high on excitement to petrified with doubt and fear from what will their new child think of them, what will they eat, will they even come to me?
This is not our first rodeo, and maybe that is why I am a bit guarded this time around. I know what and can go wrong. I am only trying to be realistic about adoption- yes is it glorious- but we know it stems from loss trauma, grief and brokenness. It will not go smoothly, my baby will be handed to me sick and broken and I can't fix him. Children do not always run to their parents and if they do it is only an act because the fear imposed in them. (things we now know) Adoption IS beautiful but it does not unfold into beauty the moment we take custody. It takes years and years of peeling back the layers of hurt, pain of emotional loss. Yes, our adopted children MAY look "normal" but they come with a suitcase of brokenness we can never heal. And maybe the first adoption, I was blissfully blind to this. We were saving a child from certain physical death. The second time, it was an extraordinary experience with our entire family --minus a few major melt downs, vomiting on the plane- but the work is still being done.
Now reality has sunk in, and these little broken lives continue to mean the world to us ---but we cannot save them---only Jesus can truly heal their brokenness--just like mine. And with that thought I submit each step of this travel process to the Lord for his sovereign hand and protection for Justin, Jacob Wen Xiang and I. For only the Lord can prepare us for what will happen...Wen Xiang we love you dearly and we welcome you into our hearts and family exactly who you are! Brokenness and ALL.
For all of you who pray for us and walk beside us financially...we have been so blessed. We enter this third international trip (fourth adoption) knowing God worked through you and your selfless giving. Thank you for being part of our adoption story.
TRAVEL Details
Sept 16 Flights starting at 10:30am Madison to Chicago
Chicago to Beijing
Beijing to Guangzhou
Arrive Sept 17 Overnight in Guangzhou (GZ)
Sept 18 Flight GZ to Nanning
Sept 19 Pick up Wen Xiang!!!!!
We spend the week in Nanning doing paperwork and sightseeing till his passport is ready.
Sept 23 Flight back to GZ
Medical appointment (Sept 24), Consulate appointment (sept 26)(issue visa)
Sept 29 Flight home Arrive home Sept 29 with time changes. Madison 6:30 pm.
This is not our first rodeo, and maybe that is why I am a bit guarded this time around. I know what and can go wrong. I am only trying to be realistic about adoption- yes is it glorious- but we know it stems from loss trauma, grief and brokenness. It will not go smoothly, my baby will be handed to me sick and broken and I can't fix him. Children do not always run to their parents and if they do it is only an act because the fear imposed in them. (things we now know) Adoption IS beautiful but it does not unfold into beauty the moment we take custody. It takes years and years of peeling back the layers of hurt, pain of emotional loss. Yes, our adopted children MAY look "normal" but they come with a suitcase of brokenness we can never heal. And maybe the first adoption, I was blissfully blind to this. We were saving a child from certain physical death. The second time, it was an extraordinary experience with our entire family --minus a few major melt downs, vomiting on the plane- but the work is still being done.
Now reality has sunk in, and these little broken lives continue to mean the world to us ---but we cannot save them---only Jesus can truly heal their brokenness--just like mine. And with that thought I submit each step of this travel process to the Lord for his sovereign hand and protection for Justin, Jacob Wen Xiang and I. For only the Lord can prepare us for what will happen...Wen Xiang we love you dearly and we welcome you into our hearts and family exactly who you are! Brokenness and ALL.
For all of you who pray for us and walk beside us financially...we have been so blessed. We enter this third international trip (fourth adoption) knowing God worked through you and your selfless giving. Thank you for being part of our adoption story.
TRAVEL Details
Sept 16 Flights starting at 10:30am Madison to Chicago
Chicago to Beijing
Beijing to Guangzhou
Arrive Sept 17 Overnight in Guangzhou (GZ)
Sept 18 Flight GZ to Nanning
Sept 19 Pick up Wen Xiang!!!!!
We spend the week in Nanning doing paperwork and sightseeing till his passport is ready.
Sept 23 Flight back to GZ
Medical appointment (Sept 24), Consulate appointment (sept 26)(issue visa)
Sept 29 Flight home Arrive home Sept 29 with time changes. Madison 6:30 pm.
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