Preparing for Christmas

As my favorite holiday approaches, I reflect on our family.  A whirlwind year, full of blessings, gifts, expectations, a trip across the ocean, challenges, grief, loss, love, smiles, joy, and undeniable HOPE.

Last night while cleaning up our dinner table, I glanced at James' table spot, littered with rice and meat, and smirked.  I asked him with a quiet smile, who sat here?  He was washing the table anyway. He loves to help in anyway he can.  He smiled back with a grin and said in his big voice, "Me!  and my fork did not work well!"  Oh that perspective he has on life will take him far.  He does not recognize his hands are a setting him back or causing him to be clumsy.  James just goes without complaining and Goes BIG!   Everything James does is BIG!  His VOICE is BIG, actually we find it a bit LOUD!  His actions are BIG!  But his smiles are also very BIG, his enthusiasm is BIG and his fight for LOVE is BIG! His heart is BIG!  He never gave up the HOPE of being loved by a family.  James opened up his present from grandma and the first thing he wanted to do was share it with his brothers and sisters.  A humble heart is going to take him far.  God has so much for him in life.  We have seen his friends and classroom blossom at school.  He is a social entertainer!  So next time you see BIG James coming by I hope you too see the BIG heart he wears on his BIG smiling face.

The little heart duo is doing well.  If their birthdays weren't 5 months apart I would swear they were twins.  They love to wrestle and play everything together.  Amazement strikes me to know they have only known each other for 9 months.  Huahua would give her life for him in an instant!  It's so precious the bond that can grow between our children.  Joseph will have his cardio check and echocardiogram tomorrow.  That will give us a good idea how his true heart function is doing.  He needs to gain weight, that is obvious by his falling down pants!

Jackson is still casted in a hard cast.  He will be until early January and then a "soft" cast/sling of some sort.   He is having a rough time with this break.  Being on the side line is hard-watching is refining and not so easy for a 9 year old boy!  He has had some really difficult days.  Please pray for him to see the good in this time too.

In closing I would like to reflect on a statement I read from another "heart" mother. When we have children with medical needs, life can be a bit uncertain.   As Christians, we have given our lives over to the service of the Lord.  We take Joy in that.  We have many blessings, but also trials of this world that everyone goes through.  We choose to have our focus in the Joy of today and not of the uncertainty of tomorrow.   We know when the trials come, we have the Lord to walk us through, no matter the outcome.  Yes, it does not always turn out rosy, but this world is not the end.  Heaven is--and that is our eternal HOPE!  This Christmas season, see the Joy and the Hope we have right in front of us.  Look for it and see it.  Love and treasure every moment of it, even if it comes in really loud, annoying, messy ways.

These two are chipping out the ice in the dog's bowl that was left outside for the stray dog.  Bubba wants to know what's going on with his bowl?  Would it be easier to just dump out the bowl?  Yes, but not as fun!

Yep, I know I am stunningly handsome!  (even with his shirt on backwards!)  We're convinced it's part of his situs inversus!

She is concentrating very hard on this.....

   That's a .....can I eat more of these ??? See the kid in the background waiting for my response too?

Joseph did not like to touch frosting....so he threw the candy.  Worked good for him

ARTIST AT WORK!  There was not left without a candy when he was done!

The mouth in the background looks stuffed with candy :)

Let the madness begin!!!!!

Poor kid can't keep his pants to stay on!  Trying to get him to put some weight on!!!!  He eats and eats and eats, but nothing!

And yes the pants are usually on backwards....we gave up trying to keep them on the correct way.  Pick your battles!

 HIS FIRST SNOWFALL.  A MIXED REACTION.  A LOVE-- HATE RELATIONSHIP for him!  He likes to play in it, but does not like the cold!  Sorry, but they go together.

                                 Huahua showed them how to play in the snow.

                                                                This guy loved it too

First time decorating a Christmas tree with his family.

           Christmas ornaments were quite exciting for James!  First time for him.  As he made more at school he brought them home and continued to decorate the tree.

The youngest always gets to hang the angel.

Jackson hanging out with his friend, Nolan.

Jackson's district 16 awards!

Justin's District 16 awards!

ONE FINAL exciting thing happening this Christmas season.....We had the opportunity to share our family story of adoption and children with special needs with the WISCONSIN STATE JOURNAL and the story is to run on CHRISTMAS DAY!!!  Praying that many hearts with be touched, God will be glorified and next Christmas there will be less children wondering who will be their mother and father and a few more children snuggled in their homes!

The Oehlhof Roller Coaster--Raising Boys

Ecclesiastes 3:11-14New International Version (NIV)

11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

Raising children is a gift from God.   It took me a few years to accept that this is where God wants me to be and to find true pleasure in my new "occupation".   Raising children is a blessing from God and treasured gift but let's face it sometimes really hard.   And while I enjoy most days, I am reminded, we purposefully chose really medically needy children because that's where God called us!  Our faith has been tested to the max at times, but today as Ryan and I sat awaiting another child to come out of surgery, all I could do is be thankful.  I am thankful my son could fall break his arm in two places and I did not falter.  My faith did not shake.  Yes, I was sad for him and the basketball season he will miss and the hard lessons he will have to learn again from the sidelines.  But this is the season I know he will also grow the most.  Jackson had surgery, top notch medical care, pain relief, a family to walk beside him, a church body praying for him, an extended community body rallying for him to get better.  He is safe, He will live.  I never feared for him and how would we handle this.  Would the hospital have room or how would we pay for this, never crossed my mind?  We are privileged.  Not only in a monetary sense, but also in the sense that we know the One who orchestrates the plans for our lives in that we have faith and can calmly enter into crisis knowing....no matter what happens.....God is in control.  This same boy, a little over three years ago (Sept 2012), said the most powerful wisdom filled words "God has a reason for me breaking my leg" after a long nine month process to lengthen his femur.  Six months later we would realize God was calling our family to special needs adoption!  He was using our really hard times to point us to HIM and children with really special needs-like single ventricle hearts.  Who knew in the next three years we would have three special needs children from China?  Well you know the answer to that!   

SO please do not feel sorry for us in this situation.  It's just part of life orchestrated by the Mighty One.  Yes, part of it sucks for Jackson, but part of it will be glorious, as we see what comes out on the other side of this.  As we endure and watch in anticipation miraculous things, Jackson will come out on the other side stronger because of it, because he too has faith.  And for that I am immensely grateful.

So medically speaking--Jackson broke the radial bone near the tip of the socket and the ulna bone mid way down while attempting a jump off the swing.  Yes, we have boys and apparently we're safer on dirt bikes with protective gear!  So many things have pointed to God being in control of this situation.  The first plan last night in ER was to move the radial bone back into place.  He already had his light sedation and then his surgeon (yes, we call him our private surgeon)  Noonan called in and said don't touch him and scheduled his surgery for 7:30 am.    We are very thankful for this, as we trust Noonan with Jackson's care.  This morning two rods were placed, one in the ulna bone going towards the hand and one in the radial bone going towards the elbow.  He has compartment syndrome, which is a rare swelling complication where they had to releave the pressure with an incision and put in a suction device and drain the excess fluid.  The device remains in with the open wound site until Wednesday when they hope to close the site in surgery, if the swelling is down.  Pray that he does not need a skin graph to cover the wound and infection stays at bay.  He will remained hospitalized until then.  Ryan has been staying with him overnight.

 Tonight he went for his first walk to the play room with Dad.  He said he went bowling right-handed.  Yes, he is left handed, so writing will be out for awhile.  Although he did figure out how to play the sony playstation one handed.   He is also the kid who they said would not be able to get around with a body cast on or that fixator on, etc and where there is a will, Jackson finds a way!

 Jordan so thoughtfully packed up his bag with me last night.   She picked out all his favorite cuddle things and books to read to make his hospital stay better.

Dad and Jackson playing Playstation.  Dad was steering and Jackson was ALL GAS.  Go figure!    Good to see him smiling, even if it's drug induced.

His little siblings were at the hospital part of the day.  A good friend took them for awhile to play.  Thank you to everyone who has offered to help out.  We truly appreciate and feel the love and support of our friends, family and church!  

Celebrating One week home!!!

It has taken me many days to get this post together.  Logistically time has not been the only barrier.  I have needed some time to process this past month.  I tend to be in medical mommy survival mode while at the hospital during surgery and then come home to process the days, and this time weeks  went by.   Last night I read this from another adoptive mother....

This was an excerpt as she sits in the hospital with her son....day 57.....

                      Many parents here (at the hospital) live in fear... exhausted, guilt-ridden, weary, frustrated, angry. It's heartbreaking. Many of them would likely not understand why we would ever choose this life. But that's not how we look at this. We chose this because we believe in hope and a God who offers that hope up free for the taking no matter how broken your heart is. We are thankful for this because this experience is a gift. Living out restoration, redemption, healing, love, and hope. Leaning on trust, prayer, faith, patience, commitment, family, and community. Witnessing the unexplainable. Watching a miracle. Mountains moved. Seeing God work right in front of your very eyes through your son, once an orphan and now so dearly loved by so many. We don't regret a single moment. Who wouldn't want to live a life like that? It's so easy to live a surface life. But the good stuff is deeper. We would do it all over again because our yes changed our son's life and it has changed ours. Maybe it even changed yours. Tonight, I'm going to sleep with praise on my lips.

This so summed up our hospital stay.  Yes, there were days that were longer than others and I worried  and nagged the Dr's and nurses a bit more about this or that symptom.   I call it advocacy for my orphaned child who now has a mama and Daddy.   My son, who most likely went through his first open heart surgery without proper pain management, deserved the best fighting chance we could give.  We advocated for him when he could not speak, by watching his furrowed eyebrows, and winching moans.  I spoke for him and demanded the best care because I owe it to his birth family to care for her child in this way.   There were days that I hurt for Joseph, because he had to endure so much in his little life.   But never did I lose hope that my child was in God's hands and His will would be accomplished.  Whatever it was!  I had prayed early on for God to use our time in the hospital to further His kingdom.  It started that first night waiting in the waiting room for our son to come out of surgery.  We met a family that will forever be our friends.  The story continued as God placed people who needed encouragement, from other heart parents who had been there, done that.  I praised God each time a PICU room became empty again and a little one went home.  We saw many people come and go.  It was easy to feel lonely as the floor turned over occupants as fast as the leaves were turning colors.  But we saw miracles performed, children healed, walking after heart, brain, traumatic injuries.  God was at work and we had a front row seat for 30 days.  Why would anyone choose to go through this with their own children?  Because every life is valuable and some of the biggest miracles are seen when our children are at their worst.  Not just the physical healing of our children (yes those are really big miracles too)  but the incredible miracles of faith being produced and grown at watching God at work.  Those are the miracles I love watching.  

The first few early days in PICU, watching your son intubated.  Waiting for his heart and body to heart.  Waiting in expectation of God's healing hand to work.   This is a lesson I learned many years ago from a faithful believer.  Praying for my child to be healed--completely.

 Ryan and I had talked with the children ahead of time about whether to bring them in to see Joseph in this state.  They were all so compassionate and natural about it.  Life lessons I wish they really did not need to know about so young, but lessons that bring so much meaning and depth to their lives.   Creating tender hearts in them.

 In the midst of this journey, this family became a strong support for us as they navigated their own medical trial with their daughter.  The children became great friends and had plenty of laughs together.  Surprisingly, we never we kicked out of any eating establishment!

 Meanwhile, Joseph continued to fight his fight!  Anytime he became conscious enough to get this thing off his face he was was going to go for it!  Only downfall was he was needed to breathe!  Rationalizing with him was not an option.

 I think his eyes were open in this picture.  It's just his face was so swollen.    And he's clutching his football signed by Ron Dayne.

 So wonderful once we we able to start holding him again.  Despite him being so uncomfortable with the chest tubes, it was nice to let him feel loved.

 The family visiting was by far the best medicine Joseph could have ever had during our stay.  He lit up when they arrived and loved the extra attention and snuggles from his girl.  Although the special visits came with the disappointment of them leaving for both of us :(

 This was Joseph's shirt he looked at for the last few weeks of his stay and the one he wore HOME!

                                                     Looking at his special cards!   His bed had many traumatic procedures and pain associated with it.  It became a depressing place for him.  Once he was able we tried to keep him out of his bed as much as possible.  Sometime he sat in his chair watching the cranes move the equipment to the top of the roof.  Thanks Local 139 for the entertainment!

                   Our first family dinner night downstairs was a relief to feel somewhat normal!

                    And entertainment with dinner!  Well he's entertainment most of the time!

                                             SMILES became more readily and he started to smooze the nurses......

Our Hospital buddies!

   The hospital has so many toys to make their stay fun.  Sometimes the other kids don't want to leave!

 How many times are you given the honor of allowing your child to fall asleep for surgery?  Looks like I might have been sniffing the good stuff too!  So thankful for the care we received at AFCH.

                                              FAMILY PHOTO  in the CAR!

                                         Catching a little fresh air!

The following are a collections of pictures taken by Joseph.  A self view of his hospital stay.  My first instinct was to delete all 600+ photos, but after looking at them it is a very reflective view of how he experienced the whole stay.  He loved to capture the nurses doing things and would video bandage changes, drawing blood.  I think it gave him a sense of control over what was happening to him.  If not, at least he had documentation of it!

 
                                          Some of his cardiac team on discharge day!

                                                               Halloween 2015

                       Despite not walking much of the way, his brothers helped fill his bucket with candy!

                                                                Princess Jessica

                                                              Captain America James

 Thank you to everyone who continues to pray and ask about our family.  We are adjusting back to normal life.  Joseph is seen about once a week and were working on getting him to eat more.  Thank you to those of you who walked beside us throughout this journey.  It truly would not have been possible without you!

TODAY IS ORPHAN SUNDAY!  What will you do differently?  Our family has sat in a hospital many times waiting for our children to return from surgery.  Some call us experienced at this.  Some maybe call us a little crazy! Why do we do this?   This phrase above says it all.  Our lives cannot go back to not knowing what we know.  We cannot go back to not caring, not acting, not living out the GOSPEL.  We know, we have seen, and have held orphans in our arms.    And God holds us accountable to ACT.